i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
