69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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