I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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