Can i not drive my cunt home
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize