what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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