apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i out mim tonsoeep
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
