i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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