Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
