I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yo dont text me then not text me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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