Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize