That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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