First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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