I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
