He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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