That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
