I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
