May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
