Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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