And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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