Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
