i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
