So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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