Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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