you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
