You work out of a Hotel?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
