She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Randomize
