I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
