Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
