Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
