Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
