i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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