I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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