I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
