The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
