Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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