I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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