I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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