he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize