just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
