i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
