you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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