I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
you never un-have a 4some
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
