I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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