haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
