omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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