batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
pray to the hookup gods
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
