we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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