Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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