i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
