I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize