I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
