I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
