u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize