forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
