proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize