youre lurking in front of me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
