As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had sex on a roof
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
