we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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