I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
