I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
