The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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