i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i drank out of a bidet.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
