does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
