with your own penis?
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
