He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
