dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We are two peas in an std pod
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
