When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
