Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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