I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
