Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
