My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
