Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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