i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
