feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
