Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
