i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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