It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
