i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
