Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
