I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
