I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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