so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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