Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize