a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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