I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What drink are we having for lunch?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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