bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
