I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
