we're chasing vodka with high fives
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
