we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
