I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
