How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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