Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
