Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
