Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
