i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
