How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
