The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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