my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
