i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She needs sedatives and a leash
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
