hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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