What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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