"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
