Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
