This dress was meant to end up on your floor
where am i from again
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
is wine microwaveable?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
