Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
