Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
