I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
